Monica for President

Posted: Nov 6, 2012
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It’s Election Day and I don’t know about everyone else, but I am mostly just excited to stop hearing the campaign commercials.

“Don’t vote for Megan, she hates puppies and babies! And kittens. And unicorns. Paid for by the Citizens Against Megan.”*

*Correction: Megan hates babies and unicorns. Kittens and puppies are okay.

I started at DoveLewis the day Obama was elected president, which made me think. If I were President it would be time for me to be campaigning (at this point I would be really behind). What if your staff voted you in as manager every four years? Would you get re-elected? I hope I would be. Here’s my platform.

Monica’s Platform

Slogan: I’ll be straight with you and expect you to be straight with me. The end.

Symbol: Tiara. Duh.

Job Security: If you show up, do your job, work hard, and act like a professional grown-up (no drama, stealing, drugging, harassing, etc.), your job outlook is very favorable. In return, I promise not to write a policy on when to use paper towels or how to answer the telephone.

Job Creation: Job creation is handled by individual states (and by states I mean the department mangers). DoveLewis is a large organization and I rely on the managers to staff their teams as needed. That doesn’t mean we don’t have budget constraints (we are a non-profit). That also doesn’t mean it’s not my job to make sure we are making good decisions for the organization as a whole. Emergency staffing isn’t easy; we have to staff for the average, not the extreme (which means both days that are the other end of the spectrum are hard). I’m not on the floor when 30 patents are in the lobby and you just did ten euthanasias. That’s why I rely on my managers to keep me informed.

Growth: As your manager, if you look good I look good. And my job is to help you succeed and grow and do a kick-butt job for DoveLewis as long as you're here. One day you may leave to go do bigger and better things. That's okay. I will miss you, but I will be proud.

Economic Outlook: For the budget pieces in my control, I promise to be fiscally responsible (our excellent CFO Rona will hold me to that). If I meet my end of this bargain we will all be here in five years. But we probably won't have cool massage chairs from Brookstone to sit on.

So what do you think? Would I get re-elected? If you were running, what would be your platform?

Note: For those of you who are interested, Megan’s platform is pro-education with emotional support (via crying in her office when needed). She is also anti-conflict. As you can tell, we balance each other out.